


Is it selfish to love and be loved?

by Izzyfandoms



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (only vaguely mentioned), Crushes, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Moduke, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, intruality, royality, very very background analogical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23217196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzyfandoms/pseuds/Izzyfandoms
Summary: (This is a (late) birthday gift for my friend!)Patton needed advice.And not the kind of advice that he could find in books or online, no, because there was no way that anyone in all of history had ever been in the situation that Patton was in, right now, it was wholly and utterly unique, which meant that if he wanted advice, he was going to have to get it from another side.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 108





	Is it selfish to love and be loved?

Patton needed advice.

And not the kind of advice that he could find in books or online, no, because there was no way that anyone in all of history had  _ ever  _ been in the situation that Patton was in, right now, it was wholly and utterly unique, which meant that if he wanted advice, he was going to have to get it from another side.

But Logan wouldn’t understand. 

He’d only just come to terms with the existence of his own emotions, and he  _ still  _ hadn’t noticed his quite obvious feelings for Virgil, even though the recipient had long since been made aware. He’d have no idea how to handle Patton’s situation, and though he’d  _ try _ , he likely wouldn’t be much help.

Virgil also wouldn’t understand.

His relationships with Deceit and Remus were still rocky. They were improving, sure, and had come  a long way since Deceit and Remus’s acceptances, but still weren’t great, and he certainly wouldn’t understand Patton’s feelings, and would have no idea how to handle them.

Thomas was also out of the question, as, though he gave great advice, anything Patton told him would be immediately known by the other sides, which was exactly what he didn’t want.

And Patton definitely couldn’t tell Roman and Remus about this, not when this involved them.

Which left him with only one option.

Patton shifted from one foot to the other, anxiously biting his lip as he stared at  Deceit’s bedroom door. Maybe he shouldn’t do this, maybe he should just go back to his room – or, even better,  _ Roman’s  _ room – and pretend that everything was okay, pretend that he didn’t feel this way. Maybe things would be better like that.

“Are you going to knock?”

Patton jumped, wide-eyed, spinning around and suddenly coming face-to-face with Deceit, who was standing beside him, his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised, and with one of his numerous pet snakes draped around his shoulders. She raised her head, too, looking at Patton in a particularly Deceit-like manner. Patton would’ve cooed, but he was too stressed for that.

“Oh, Deceit!” Patton exclaimed, glancing between the side and the bedroom door. “I thought you were... nevermind, it doesn’t matter. I’m fine. I was just about to go.”

He took a step forward, attempting to leave, but Deceit blocked your path.

“You’re lying,” He said, not accusatory, but almost... curious. “You want to talk.”

Patton winced. “No?” He tried to answer, but it came out like a question, which didn’t really help his case. He then sighed, slouching. “Okay, fine. I’d like to talk, please.”

Deceit nodded slowly, a little confused, but surprisingly not judgemental, before walking up to his bedroom door, pushing it open and stepping inside.

“Shut the door behind you,” He called out, leaving no room for argument.

Patton followed obediently, shutting the door behind him, as quiet as possible so no other side would overhear and possibly question them. He watched as Deceit carefully put the snake back in her enclosure, mumbling quiet compliments as he did so. Deceit straightened up, waving his hand, and two plush chairs – one bright yellow, the other light blue – appeared in the centre of the room, facing each other. He then strolled over to them, sitting down in the yellow chair, and gesturing for Patton to sit down in the other.

Patton did so after a moment of hesitation, awkwardly avoiding eye contact and smoothing out the wrinkles in his shirt.

“So, Patton. What’s wrong, and why aren’t you talking to Roman about this?”

Patton made a face, and, though it only lasted a moment, Deceit noticed.

“Ah,” Deceit nodded slowly. “ So, it involves Roman. Trouble in paradise?”

“Not... not exactly,” Patton said weakly, awkwardly fiddling with his hands. “Things with Roman are great, really, they are. I love him so much, and- and I know he loves me. Everything’s great _ , _ and he... he’s  _ perfect _ . He always is.”

“But?”

Patton swallowed. “But... I have a problem.” He hesitated. “I- I... I like someone else, too.”

Deceit tilted his head to one side, completely unsurprised. 

“Remus.”

Patton straightened up, eyes widening, his hand shooting up to cover his mouth. “Oh my gosh, is it that obvious?”

“Of  _ course _ ,” Deceit lied, deliberately putting  emphasis on the second word, so Patton would know what he meant. “But who else would it be? I’m surprised you only just realised.”

“I... I don’t know. It’s not- it's not  _ new,  _ exactly.” Patton looked down at his lap, his lower lip trembling slightly. “I- I... I don’t think I ever stopped loving him.”

He paused, and Deceit waited patiently for him to continue.

“I- I loved the king,” Patton continued, only just loud enough for Deceit to hear him. “We were only kids, but I loved him, I loved him so much, I really did. Maybe I still do.”

“I know,” Deceit said softly. “He loved you, too.”

Patton gave him a small smile, though it was sad, almost bitter.

“Thank you,” He said, barely above a whisper, before sighing. “And then... and then the split happened, and things got... complicated.”

“Aren’t they always?”

“I've always known that I love Roman – I really do, so so  _ so  _ much – but... I never got the chance to get to know Remus, not until recently, and... and...” He tugged anxiously at the sleeves of his cat hoodie. “And I’ve realised that... that I love him, too, and I don’t know what to do.”

Deceit hummed quietly. “This is quite the dilemma,” He admitted. “But I think you know the answer to this.”

“Huh?”

“Talk to them,” Deceit said firmly, drumming his fingers against the arm of the chair. “Roman first, of course, and then Remus.”

Patton looked surprised. “But- but -”

“You assumed I’d tell you to lie to them,” Deceit said flatly. “I don’t only encompass  lies, you know.”

To Patton’s credit, now, he looked a little sheepish. “I... I know  _ that _ .”

“It is my job to help Thomas get what he wants, through whatever means necessary,” Deceit continued. “And, now, I’m helping you get what  _ you  _ want.  _ Talk  _ to them, Patton. Who knows, maybe they’ll agree to share.”

Patton had to admit, that idea was appealing – very appealing – but just the thought of even just bringing it up made his stomach fill with guilt.

“But... wouldn’t it be a bit, I don’t know, selfish?”

Deceit shrugged. “Is it selfish to want to love and be loved? Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. But does that really matter? Goodness knows we all deserve a little selfishness every now and then.”

Patton shifted in his chair, still looking unsure.

Deceit sighed. “You’ll never know unless you ask,” He said. “And, besides, it’s not fair  _ not  _ to talk to Roman about this, at least. Communication, and all that. You should tell him before he figures it out, himself.”

There was a moment of hesitation, and then Patton straightened up, nodding.

“Alright,” He said firmly. “Alright. I’ll talk to him.”

It was not, however, alright, because the next time Patton saw Roman, he instantly forgot about this dilemma – Roman was just so bright-eyed and gorgeous, immediately grabbing Patton by the hands and gushing to him about his latest idea – until hours had passed, and Roman was already half-asleep. He couldn’t tell him then, of course, so he decided to wait until the next day.

But, the next day, Roman was just so  _ busy,  _ and Patton didn’t want to disturb him.

And the day after that, Roman and Remus were working on some project together, and when Patton had stepped into Roman’s room, Remus had already – to Roman’s chagrin – taken his shirt off, and Patton knew that if he’d stayed in there any longer, he’d have ended up blurting out a confession like a fountain spewing chocolate.

The day after that, they filmed a video, so there was just no time to talk.

Every single day, Patton made a new excuse. Every single day, he ignored Deceit’s stares.

And then Virgil’s stares, and Logan’s, too.

Deceit definitely hadn’t told them – secrets were his speciality – so that meant that Patton’s plight was obvious, which meant that it was only a matter of time before the twins knew, too. And Deceit was right, it would be much better for Roman to hear it from Patton, himself, than to figure it out on his own.

And so, Patton made his decision.

He put on his favourite, lucky socks and tied his hoodie around his shoulders, taking a deep breath, before marching up to Roman’s door and knocking firmly.

“Coming, just a minute!” Roman called out.

Well, no backing out now.

As Patton waited impatiently, Virgil walked past him. The anxious side paused for a moment upon spotting Patton, eyes landing on the obvious lucky socks, before looking back up at him, his brow furrowed.

“Good luck,” He said, a little awkwardly.

Patton gave Virgil a small, grateful smile, before the other side disappeared, just as Roman threw his door open.

“Patt- oh.” For a moment, Roman looked startled, taking in his boyfriend’s nervous expression and lucky socks. “Is everything alright, my love?”

“We need to talk.”

That did not comfort Roman.

“Oh... uh- okay, um,” He said awkwardly, hesitant, before moving to the side. “Come in.”

Patton stepped inside, perhaps rushing a little bit, but he wanted this to be over and done with sooner rather than later. Roman carefully shut the door behind them, and there were a few seconds of painfully awkward silence, before he cleared his throat and spoke up again.

“Did- did I do something wrong?” Roman asked softly.

Patton’s eyes widened, and he jumped forward, grabbing Roman’s hands. “No, no, of course not!” He exclaimed. “You haven’t done anything, honey.”

Roman didn’t look comforted by that, nodding slowly, and still frowning, but taking Patton’s hands in his own as gently as he always did. “Did  _ you  _ do something wrong?” He asked cautiously.

“No!” Patton reassured him. “It’s nothing like that, I swear.”

Roman’s brow furrowed, and he tilted his head to one side. “Then... what do we need to talk about?”

Patton made a face, taking a few moments to search for the right words, before sighing.

“We... we should probably sit down,” He said.

Roman nodded, squeezing Patton’s hand before leading him over to his bed, and the two of them sat down together. The painfully awkward silence returned for almost an entire minute, but when Patton had finally worked up the courage to speak up, Roman interrupted him, instead.

“Are you breaking up with me?” He asked suddenly.

“What? No!” Patton almost shouted.  “No, of course not! I... I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Roman returned softly. “But...?” He prompted.

Patton swallowed. “But... I’ve realised that- that I... I also love-”

“Remus.”

Roman didn’t sound at all surprised, nor did he sound angry, or even annoyed or betrayed, he just sounded... gentle, but almost resigned. His voice was soft, and his hand was still in Patton’s, but that just increased the moral side’s guilt, because Roman was being so  _ good  _ about this, and did Patton really deserve that?

“You- you know?”

Roman sighed. “I suspected,” He admitted.

“And... how do you feel about it?”

“I won’t pretend to be thrilled,” Roman said. “And if it were any other side, any other situation, then I’d be upset – even betrayed. But... it’s complicated.” He paused for a moment, thinking things over, and Patton waited patiently for him to continue. “I remember what it was like being the King. It’s fuzzy, but I still remember.” He squeezed Patton’s hand. “I remember that he- I-  _ we  _ loved you. It wouldn’t surprise me if Remus still felt that way, too, and it doesn’t surprise me that you love him, too. It’s complicated, but I get it.”

Patton smiled softly. “Thank you,” He said, barely above a whisper.

He leant forward and pressed a kiss to Roman’s cheek. Warm, grateful. Then, Patton wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug, and the gesture was immediately reciprocated. They stayed like that for some time, Roman reaching up and running his fingers through Patton’s hair, a comforting gesture that was much appreciated.

“So, what are you going to do, love?” Roman asked eventually.

Patton pulled back just enough to give Roman a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Do you want to date Remus?”

Patton’s eyes widened. “I don’t want to break up with you,” He said quickly, sincerely.

Roman shook his head. “That’s not what I asked,” He said gently. “Do you want to date Remus?” He repeated.

“Like- like both of you?”

A nod.

Patton’s brow furrowed. “But... wouldn’t that be, I don’t know, weird?”

Roman shrugged. “It’s a complicated situation,” He admitted. “But isn’t that the simplest solution?”

“And... and you’d be okay with it?”

“I think so,” Roman said. “I’ve had a lot of time to think about this. It’d take a lot of work, a lot of communication, and it wouldn’t be perfect, but isn’t it worth a try?” He cupped Patton’s cheek with one hand. “Isn’t love worth it?”

If Patton could melt, he would’ve. 

Instead, he pressed his lips to Roman’s, just for a few seconds, warm and soft, before pulling back.

“I need to talk to Remus,” He said firmly.

Roman nodded. “Good luck.”

Patton stood up, dusting invisible dirt from his shirt, giving Roman one last grateful smile, before confidently walking right out of the room and shutting the door behind him. But as soon as he was alone, the confidence disappeared, replace by an uncomfortable, gnawing anxiety, that made him want to turn back around and collapse into Roman’s arms until further notice.

He didn’t though, instead taking a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, and curling his hands into fists to steady himself.

Then, Patton marched down the hallway, up to Remus’s bedroom door, knocking loudly.

The door was thrown open immediately, the moustached side staring back at Patton with a confused, but manic, grin. Patton probably shouldn’t have found this attractive, but there was no point in denying his feelings, now.

“What’s up,  daddy ?”

Patton cringed internally at the nickname, but knew Remus meant it in only a casual sense, so chose to ignore it.

“Hey, Remus,” He greeted as casually as he could. “Can- can I come in?”

Remus tilted his head to one side. A bug fell out of his left ear (thankfully, not a spider), though it disappeared before it could hit the ground.

“Why?”

“Um... I need to talk to you about something.”

The creative side’s expression remained amused. “Ooh, in private? It must be juicy.” He stepped to the side, holding his door open for Patton. “Do come in.”

His room was surprisingly neat, much more so than Roman’s was. The walls were lined with shelves full of jars of various oozing substances; Patton got the feeling that he didn’t want to know what lived inside them. The ceiling was dripping with slime, though that seemed to be deliberate, and any mess on the floor tended to crawl away when it got big enough.

Remus followed Patton inside, slamming the door shut behind him and flopping onto his bed. Patton sat down on the desk’s chair, politely ignoring the slight dampness.

“So, uh...” Patton swallowed, anxiously tugging at the sleeves of his hoodie.

Remus whistled. “Damn, you’re really worked up about something, huh. What’s got your panties in a twist?”

Patton glanced up at him, immediately caught in Remus’s constant, unblinking stare. He felt his face warm, likely turning red, and wondered if his feelings were obvious. 

“I like you!” Patton blurted out, suddenly.

Remus froze, before sitting up, his eyes wide. “Like... sexually?”

Patton shouldn’t have been surprised at that, but he was, a little, and couldn’t help but let out a short and startled laugh.

“Romantically,” Patton clarified softly.

“Oh. Why?”

Patton blinked a few times. “Why?” He repeated.

Remus nodded. “Yeah. Aren’t you fucking Roman?”

“I’m  _ dating  _ Roman,” Patton corrected him.

“What’s the difference?”

“Um...” Patton felt his face flush red again, and Remus’s grin reappeared, as wide and mischievous and teasing as ever. 

Remus flopped back onto the bed, sprawled out like a starfish. A glob of slime dropped from the ceiling (neon green and glowing) and he caught it on his tongue. Patton wrinkled his nose, but didn’t comment.

“So,” Remus said eventually. “Is this ‘bout the whole King thing?”

“I... I don’t know,” Patton admitted. “I loved you as the King. We were young, but I know I did, I still do. And... and I love you both now. As individuals. They’re... they’re probably related, but I’m not sure how much. It’s impossible to tell, but I know how I feel, and I love you.”

Remus’s brow creased at the use of the word ‘love.’

Patton continued. “Roman knows. I already told him, and he... understands. He knows I’m talking to you now.”

“Huh.”

There was a beat, and then Remus rolled over onto his front. 

He stared at Patton, unblinking, like he was seeing right into Patton’s soul, learning everything he could about the moral side, and figuring out what to do with this information. Patton stared back, waiting.

“I love you, too,” Remus said slowly, savouring the words, tasting them. He liked the way they felt on his tongue.

Patton’s eyes widened, and he leant forward, unable to stop the smile that began to creep its way onto his face. “Really?” He breathed.

Remus pushed himself up on his hands, grinning back.

“Yep!” He nodded eagerly.

Patton giggled, delighted, and the legs of his chair suddenly turned into actual legs, walking forward, almost tripping over themselves, until Patton and Remus were nose-to-nose.

“Oh!” Can... Can I ki-”

Patton didn’t get the chance to finish the question, though, as Remus grabbed his face with his hands, somehow both roughly and gently, and smashed their lips together. The kiss was messy, and a little bit aggressive, but so very  _ Remus _ , so Patton couldn’t find it in himself to care.

When they finally pulled apart, Remus rested his forehead against Patton’s.

“I missed you,” He said softly.

“I missed you, too.”


End file.
